Time Unlimited

This poem is about "Bipolar Disorder". This is a perfect example of taking a disorder and turning it into a poem to help me learn about the cause of the disorder, its symptoms, and treatment. There are two types of bipolar disorder. "Bipolar I Disorder", and "Bipolar II disorder". Bipolar I disorder tends to be the most potent one. In this disorder a person experiences manic episodes accompanied by a history of depressive episodes. He/or she may experience hallucinations/and or delusions and the disorder may mimic that of schizophrenia. It is the most potent of the two. In bipolar II disorder, he/she experiences hypo-manic episodes accompanied by a history of major depressive episodes. Bipolar II Disorder is less likely to have hallucinations/and or delusions resembling schizophrenia. I am just focusing on Bipolar Disorder as a whole in this poem.

Betwixt mad intervals of agile overzealousness and constant episodic despair
my mood unexpectedly bores the face of normality,
breathing like a human once more, alright but unsure;
I forth hold abilities to uncork words from vocals of my throat in a bloodless pace,
as my thoughts seize to race from start to finish,
my head clutching on in full grip, striving not to slip;
Violent shifts of destructive behavior, for time being ends,
as if never once interfering with consciousness,
triggering reactive blessedness.

"Unearthly predicament being portrayed,
earthly construction of my life delayed"!

Before knowledge of occurrence returns to enlighten this infectious disease
overtaking my personality,
again I am plagued with patchy actions of euphoria,
lasting for months!
Possibly for years!
Most likely for hours!
Leading into unwholesome days!
Of course going on for seconds!
 For minutes!
As obscurity changes to lucidity,
brightness to shade,
the time is unlimited!

Energy maximized to one's overextended, annihilated potential each episode appearing,
inflates probability of another session with dateless depression;
Overcast darkens sunlight commanding the months!
Rain outshines sun drowning the years!
Wind overpowers spring flowers arresting the hours!
Thunder becomes torturing sound secluding the days!
Lightning delivers supersonic strikes diminishing minutes to seconds!
I am petrified of my outlook,
the future looks dim!
Nothing I hear or see is regarded as lived!
As flaky moods live on tears are fought back, stimulation on the attack,
the time is unlimited!

Freedom from pestilence degraded, confusion stripping every living cell in my brain,
thus preparing me for more of the same;
Upended by the withered of vexation,
onward into further frenzied titillation,
as sterile nights exceed through dawn the adverse way;
Night to day!
Broad-light to evening!
Distress-fullness to a craze!
Eagerness to melancholia!
"Mind boggling, the brain has withdrawn from reality"!

Vertigo spins with immeasurable tasks, "can do"? "No do"!
And spears me with God-awful rights to surface again at any time.

"I am the star of the play; the only God in my life, leader in the strife",
unstoppable,
adorable,
"no one can even amount to the pulsating energy
I relay to the outer frame of my existence",
unpredictable,
indistinguishable

Then, if, and when, identity lowered occurs again, prosperity is weakened;
My spirit lays down to rest as fragments of me lean towards the spacey side of destiny;
I am defaced with powerful sense of denunciation;
I am useless! Forever, altogether worthless!
Life becomes a impotent thing,
I can't even see the silence it brings;
Madness and depression fall endlessly,
my essence follows relentlessly;
A friend in need is one to leave,
without them I no longer can compete;
No one on earth considers me,
I don't hesitate to release my disease.

                         "Weapon of sharpness, blood-waiting blade,
                            before me still, a nameless fate;
                            Shall it be me? Will it be them?
                            I must let go of this friction within!
                            Screaming cries erupt my mind,
                            I don't know if I'm dead or alive;
                            Manic Depression, mood deprivation,
                            depression accompanied by frequent flightiness;
                            Desecration seeking, it must be weakened
                            relieve me of my screaming;
                            Give me liberty, give me life,
                             help me throw away the knife;
                             End my fights, end my gloom,
                             free my life of this multiple wound".

Paul Hickey
11-17-11