Shrinking Hearts

This is a poem about how all my friends became addicted to drugs. I was the odd one out as I had no desire for drugs. However, what was killing me inside was watching my friends as well as my friendship with my friends die as a result of drugs. The end result, not only death of friendship but death of life.

Minds race far and swift
as insect venom stings my heart with disease;
Stricken deep with hurt of carnage,
I watch poison destroy the love in me
for damaged friends with shrinking hearts of life.

Lost and alone I cry for deep human touch again,
reflecting on the days that once had been;
With fire circulating through my broken soul,
the only light to pierce the open sky, day and night,
I pace this Earth with abundant sorrow.

Tribulation, from friend to embattled foe,
trust becomes renovated beyond repair;
Falling from limb, witnessing the down fall of them,
I caress what is hurting inside,
cast a prayer for the dying to live.

Faith non-existent to their blinded beliefs,
adrift from skin to rushing wind,
we part without maddening words or looks;
Still wonder lingers upon my brow,
ponder upon my brain,
Can this really be happening again?

Flustered, "Is there life among the living dead"?
For all who don live life as if it were gone;
Beyond there is no vision of care I've tried to shed,
Occupied by snow-blind minds,
Inside shattered of will time doesn't forget.

Flaky mood tarnished from mind-altering substance
over-burdening the ego of surviving senses;
Feel not for you have fallen possessed from weakness,
feel not for I have been condemned from expenses.
Numbness stiffened in both body and brain,
withering liveliness from inability to refrain,
please do not die; let me live again.

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
4-1-12

Problem's Plague

This poem is about someone who attempts to help his girlfriend through her drug addiction. However, she is not appreciative, gives him the could shoulder treating him badly and telling him to get lost. As a result, he is plagued by her problem..thus the title "Problem's plague". As he moves on with his life without her he cannot forgive her for the way she treated him. They drift from each other as if they were dead.

Never had a soul ever vanished unkind
until she perished away from me;
Fallen from the edge of this Earth
she had arisen a problem's plague.

Not a friendly face nor a tender kiss
made this planet a heavenly place to live;
Living without, yet not a care,
my heart was unwilling to forgive.

Paul Hickey  Copyright @ 2012
3-29-12

Definitions

This poem describes all the emotions, feelings, beliefs, and actions I have felt in the course of relationships. Not only relationships but in love and life in general;

Kill- A permanent excuse for living.
Torture- Being crucified for our mistakes.
Murder- Blood from a broken heart.
Die- Lifeless in the soul.

Black horizon wakes me up
to the dawn of a glorious Hell.

Revenge- The message burning in my eyes.
Self-Pity- The only reason I'm alive.
Emotions- Chaos belittling my crooked spine.
Limited Independence- Crowded is the fickle mind.

Drawing me away from love
to a home where there is fire.

Reliance- In trust I seek but blind.
Insanity- Success revealed as failure.
Heartless- Throwing their flame back to their death.
Dependence- No life echoed in my shell.

A man in his years of darkness,
to a woman who ruined each day.

Superiority- One eye over God.
Inferiority- Uncomfortable in my own skin.
Defiance- Tired of being robbed.
Fight- Taking a stand for freedom.

We are living with a complex
of confused facts and mind written terror.

Terror- the fiend that lives and sleeps in me.
Humanity- Masked kindness behind the terror.
Infatuation- Poison that drives one to murder.
Birth- Unforgiving death released from the mother's womb.

What has become of all God's children
when destruction rules creative minds?
Commitment- An issue blinded by lust.
Sociology- An A from mingling, a F for development.
Catch-22- Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Reality- Lost in the minds of the twisted.

When will the drama end,
time is walking the hides of sin.

Hallucinations- Real faces in deluded minds.
Death- Daylight blinded by darkness.
Love- Nonexistence within the battered soul.
Miscellaneous- Scattered brains condemned.

Still adrift with all life dismissed,
waiting above all for a forward kiss.

Communism- Global war crossing the American border.
Immigration- What seems safe renders hate.
Politicians- Nothing but lies heard over and over again.
Coincidence- An American citizen kills another.

Face upon face forging lies we'll be saved
but shorter and shorter don the end of our days.

Frustration- Watching empires tumble before my eyes.
Agitation- Fear of becoming a human statistic.
Revolution- War abroad, will our end be soon?
Evolution- Growth destroyed by human blood.

Overloaded mind reducing the brain to water,
as exploding facts trigger attacks on those who produce the slaughter.

Racism- Hate for self disguised by a chosen scapegoat.
Ignorance- stupidity developed since birth.
Hypocrisy- Unaware of the faults manifested in oneself.
Pomposity- Fantasy of being superman.

The human race dissolves in time
through the idiosyncrasies of all mankind.

Compromise- Negotiations that never follow through.
Contradiction- Truth covered by human lies.
Explanation- Tricked to believe the lies are true.
Exasperation- We are tired, the world shall end.

Darkness dominates the daylight skies
Is this a sign that human life will die?

Sadistic- empathy disappears into a flooded pool of nightmares.
Sarcasm- Passing off horror as pleasant dreams.
Possession- Obsession for gloom, punishment, death.
Mention- Talk of someone who perished along the way.

For those who remain alive and present, victims of today,
cherish the day your time has come for God to take you away.

Argumentative- As the brain explodes demise looms closer.
Decisive- A made up mind, to live, to die, to breathe again.
Destination- Controlled fate handed from the God of faith.
Implantation- My final resting place.

And so I stay in this fateful place, planned by enemies that breathe,
if only I could turn back time, I would live to see them bleed.

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
3-30-12

The Mind's Eye

This is a poem that talks about what goes on in the minds of serial killers.

Like water in a mind's eye,
he worships women, death,
 the thought to die.
In vanity of his cold possessed dreams,
desecrate man, woman,
blood-curdling fate.
Within shells of his written will,
he cherishes love, honesty,
to kill.
He who understands the true meaning of hate,
quantities of her
with a thousand faces;
Like a man always on a body chase,
he sees qualities, murder,
devouring haste.
Suspicion so internal with eyes infinity,
he destroys for the joyful
march of obscenity.

Killing for reason,
a degree he well understands,
the watery tongue, decapitation
obedient of every sub-conscious command.
Speculation creeping up on extreme death,
surmise, spy, target,
then return for the mess.
Penetrating victims while preparing for a bath,
he awaits the showers
of an eternal blood aftermath.
Breaking and entering
in order to bare on Christ's list,
with weapons that
shoot, stick, and twist.
"Oops", mistake!
break out again and again,
as he returns with another death wish.

Suicide or kill
of whoever dares to deceive,
me, him, or the life sake of man;
Not conscious of facts for mutilating lust,
ulcered pain, urgency for violence,
lacking of trust.

Millions here, Millions there,
bodies floating everywhere;
he alone scatters alone,
bury victims, never pray.
One look at someone
who is psychotically me,
bares various resemblance
of specified vulnerability,
guilt, casualty, homicide,
through soul, brain and hand.

Paul Hickey  Copyright @ 2012
3-26-12

Halloween

This poem is about a boy who goes nuts on his mother after finding out she had been cheating on his father on Halloween, a day of fun and excitement for children. Instead of going trick -or-treating, he gets his revenge on his mother. The "The going nuts" part is expressed intensely in the first stanza.

People ran as bodies flew,
canaries in witch's brew;
Where to run and nowhere to hide?
Dark tunnel with no wish bone inside.

They count their blessings but their sins are in light,
specs of black on Halloween night;
Casted curses send a frightful daze,
plagues to them on their wedding day.

Still they marry in a frightful cave,
you can't bury so you set them ablaze;
Is it love or the love of hate?
Lets all betray our bird brain mates.

So you pay her back spreading ashes around,
retaliation cackling above rising ground;
All the relaxation makes you sleep so well,
you place her ashes in a frosty cold cell.

Paul Hickey
3-23-12

Scarlet the Harlot

This is another poem about a girlfriend cheating.

Blood on the walls,
Blood in the halls,
Blood from an animal's balls;
Blood from my hand,
Blood from a man,
Blood from a man with no balls.

Scarlet the Harlot,
Crimson whore,
Bread off a dirty old floor;
Stiff near a man,
Who bled from my hand,
is flushed all over the floor.

Blood on the walls,
Blood in the halls,
Blood from an animal's balls;
Blood on the bed,
Blood from the dead,
Two lifeless where they fall.

Scarlet the Harlot,
Crimson whore,
Bread off a dirty old floor;
Pale white waste
With anemic face
Cannot betray me anymore.

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
3-18-12

Winds of Sorrow

This poem is about looking towards the future and not knowing where I am going. Everything that was is no longer and I am stuck wondering where my soul is drifting.

Upon me stirs the winds of sorrows
gushing against my paling face,
everywhere with thrusts of thunder
blowing away my faith.

ritual drifts whisper through my body
to the heart of it's bristled limbs,
air splashed with velocity,
I feel the rushing wind.

Strive to find my shattered depths
amongst a hail of dust,
whirlpools spinning round and round
destroying the world I love.

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
3-16-12

Prayer to Our Holy Father

This is a poem about God, thanking him for life, living, nature, food, friends, health, and seeing us through to our death.

Dear God,
"Thank you for our daily bread,
to which we look forward to be fed,
making our lives a place easier to be
when we earn our shares upon our feet".

Dear Lord,
"Thank you for doom of intriguing pain,
I feel it clear with all my shame,
you send us through the darkness and rain
only to show us the light again".

Dear Father,
"Thank you for the four seasons,
all of which have different reasons,
brightness, blackness, coldness of Winter,
thank you for our daily weather
even though you I cannot see".

Dear Lord,
"Thank you for our daily friends
and to you our hearts we gratefully send,
no pain, no tears, no-overlapping fate
shall keep us from honoring your welcoming gates";
"Thank you for our loving friends
even though their souls are dense,
thank you God for being our end".

Dear Savior,
"Forgive us for the sins we've done
and for ones we are about to commit,
forgive us for our brainless graves,
not learning from past existence".
"Forgive us for our thought and images
which render us cold of mind,
revulsion and murder in our eyes,
please stand by us and keep us sane,
well away from a killer insane".

Dearest One,
"Forgive us for our heart and souls,
we do not wish for the Devil's role,
Insane jealousy, a sin all alone,
let me stay strong to crush it's bones".

Dear Savior,
"Save us from any harmful illusion,
don't let us select our harmful intrusions;
save us from needy thoughts of others,
kill us now and suspect our mothers;
Save us from the blackness of vain,
save us from our own restraints;
Turn to them, spread Hell upon them,
turn to us, kill ourselves we shall must;
God save us from murder and suicide trees,
I still thank you for the life of me".

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
03-16-12

Two-Faced Scholar

This short story poem is about a man who had it all. He had good friends, a good family, good education, and as great career. However, something goes horribly wrong. He is in this relationship with this woman. They were suppose to get marrieds out that she has been cheating on him for a while. He quickly goes from innocent, fun loving to killer practically over night. He isolates himself from those he loves and his dark side appears as he continuously stalks the couple, eventually killing them both. On the run, he is tracked down by police where it ends in suicide-by-cop fashion. Everybody is shocked and cannot believe that someone who seemed so happy would do something so tragic as to kill another person.

Intrude, eat, prey,
my groaning eye detects;
Foolish bastard remark me stupid,
assume I'm dead,
unable to raise a finger
to prove the deceased is still alive,
Strictly cold and blind.

I am dangerously eccentric,
inward bedeviled pain,
outward brutal flame,
I release my heat unto you.

I exercise reprisal to limits
as you attempt to figure out
how and why my sincere face
is attached to such an evil eye.

No one ever lives or breathes
a single word of me,
plot for them forever who I am
through conspiracy.

I ponder my reality, pre-conceived
in fantasy, misfortunes of the deadly task;
I plan the daily attacks.

I am a prisoner of proximal
group ostracision, socially distant
within a lone mind's decision.

Impulse ceases resistance from urges,
"maim, kill, unending habit".

I drive location of varied location,
suspended renovation,
cap and glasses by my side;
Nearby, not so far lot
grows larger with a single presence,
where I can lie in wait
hidden from would-be cops,
where I feign being studious,"Hush-Hush",
secret two-faced scholar on the run.

Pass away the minutes,
my temper well beyond the limits,
cap and glasses straddled for action.

A very nervous man is what I am,
as excitement for fulfillment
rumbles through my trembling bones,
I drive ever slowly by the target house,
creeping like a squeaking mouse,
a drooling hawk stalking fetish prey.

Taking my time I drive away
until another day,
plan extended,
vengeance ripping through
soul and mind.

Visions meet with you
day after friendliness
manipulates acquaintance,
as if not a single soul betrayed,
not a day astray, my voice
non-deceiving to your trusty character.

I'm off, time for more sin,
I hit the road again,
mind on overload,
cap and glasses resting on my head.

Impulse ceases resistance from urges,
"maim, kill, unending habit".

I drive location of varied location,
suspended renovation,
nearby, not so far lot
grows larger with a single presence,
where I lie in wait
hidden from would-be cops,
where I feign to be studious, "Hush-Hush",
secret two-faced scholar on the run.

With tone of influencing words
on the radio,
exit the vehicle I do,
9 inch blade descended in back of myself.

I disappear without a trace
from public eye's view.
Casually I stroll down a
deserted alley, and hop
a chained fence holding
my restrained desires.

I have reached my destiny.
Minutes-by-minutes
slowly tick away. My brain
screams, "What are they doing
in there"? As paranoia pummels
reducing grace, I pace a worried face,
as serenely I await departure from the place.

Unhand grazing scars overtaking
my emotionally devoured body as
they appear from open doors. I
suppress sadistic laughter as I dive
behind hedges just distances away from them;
pounce on him once, slash his gut,
he bleeds a slow and agonizing death.

"Don't do it, don't do it", she cries;
too late, the deed is done,
HELTER-SKELTER,
run for my life, toss the knife,
flipped with a flick of the wrist
into the backyard of a neighborhood family.

I tare off my clothes,
rinse the blood off with a hose,
shave my head to the seeing eye flesh,
scissor every visible hair for the best.
I boycott my car,
I have gone too far,
"CHILLS", "SPILLS", and "THRILLS".
With the coast surprisingly clear,
I approach the object of my transportation,
my car, my escape, and insert the key into
the lock, for no longer can I avoid the law.

"I must make a run for it", I keep telling
myself, day after death, holding my breath.
"Looks to me, I'm as free as can be. Oh-oh
the cops see me. What should I think to do"?

They corner me from every place on the street.
At present time, because I threw away the blood-
stained knife, I possess only one weapon, high-
powered rifle, my only means of protection,
brandished at the men who point harm at me.

"Kill me if need but they won't take me in. I
will never surrender to them"! I yell, "there
is no way you are taking me alive.
I wouldrather perish than live".

Then I set the trigger remembering
the wrong-doing I delivered. Sudden
wails fill the night air. "Please, please,
let go of your arms and give up. Don't
let it come down to this".

I lunge forward, my rifle cocked and loaded,
may release flurries of bullets with the
slightest of taunting. "Bang"! refusal to
relinquish my arsenal comes down to this,
failure to shoot sends death my way.

My blood-shot eyes droop downward,
blood drips in pools to the concrete
surface in front of me. I collapse to
the ground. Men in blue rush towards
the fallen. Sirens sound as a masked man
manifests little life at the hands of the
town police. Ten minutes post-fatal
stand-off, I vanish into eternal sleep,
self-destructive dreams my reality. Homicide
carried out, assisted suicide finishes me.

"Impulse ceases resistance from urges,
maim, kill, unending habit".

I drive location of varied location,
suspended renovation,
cap and glasses by my side,
nearby, not so far lot
growing larger with a single presence,
where I lie in wait
hidden from would-be cops,
where I feign to be studious, "Hush-Hush",
secret two-faced scholar on the run;
Where I pass away the minutes,
temper well beyond limits,
cap and glasses straddled for action, "Hush-Hush"
two-faced scholar on the run.

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
3-13-12

Two Shades of Blood

This poem is simply about the consequences of cheating, being betrayed, and being left all alone in the dark.

Shaded rumination,
Melancholic preoccupation,
free-floating anxiety
delivers a fatal bullet.

Brains slashed with rain,
blood-curdling pain,
body shaking,
body aching,
silenced by your chill;
Nerves quaking,
tempers baking,
death within you still.

Alienation,
dehydration,
as isolation pierces
through spilled life,
let the living inside you flood.

Loaded gun,
rapidly pounding hearts,
terrorizing, raging eyes,
horror-flushed eyes
staring into the face of evil,
taunting chaos
with one simple pull of the trigger;
Disgust looming
as mind altering images entomb me;
Your eyes meeting with his,
his eyes meeting with yours,
my eyes staring murderously,
my lips kissing wind,
loaded gun,
here I go again!

Mind altering images,
reality extracting,
sanity distracting,
consume me;
In solitude I stay,
crying,
sighing,
dying,
as my insides are washed away.

Thinking,
drinking,
thinking and drinking,
the roses of love were for her
symbolic of deep feelings once given
from a heart I no longer feel;
End my vindictive reign,
halt my explosive conviction,
or will my whore and her lover be dead,
mind altering images
entomb me;

Your eyes meeting with his,
his eyes meeting with yours,
your lips kissing his,
his lips touching yours,
my eyes staring murderously,
my lips kissing wind,
loaded gun,
here I go again!
Two shades of blood still on the floor,
one is a lover and one is my whore.

Speculated love,
a shattered heart
is replaced with a heavy weight;
Nothing is real,
nothing exists
except thoughts that are scrambled
in my head.
"Hate me"!
"Love him"!
"Me as friend"!
"Kill her"!
"Kill him"!
"Kill me after I kill her"!
"Kill him first"!
Mind altering images entomb me;

Your eyes meeting with his,
his eyes meeting with yours,
your lips kissing his,
his lips touching yours,
my eyes staring murderously,
my lips kissing wind,
loaded gun,
here I go again!
Two shades of blood still on the floor,
one is a lover and one is my whore;
Lives shall be taken should you embrace anymore,
blood will start spilling as I break down the door.

Rape,
strangle,
sodomize,
pulverize
into two different shades of blood;
Blood on my hands,
Pray Lord! What have I done?
Blood on my hands,
marks on their necks,
pools of life flooding the floor;
Blood on my hands,
I can't even remember how this all began,
mind altering images
entomb me;

Your eyes meeting with his,
his eyes meeting with yours,
your lips kissing his,
his lips touching yours,
my eyes staring murderously,
my lips kissing wind,
loaded gun,
here I go again!
Two shades of blood still on the floor,
one is a lover and one is my whore;
Lives shall be taken should you embrace anymore,
blood will be spilling as I break down the door.

Two shades of blood still on the floor,
one is a lover and one is my whore,
thus I drink poison and fall dead to the floor,
no more confusion! No more....No more.

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
3-12-11

Call of the Nightingale

This poem is about a beautiful girl I know inside and out. She is very sweet, caring and respectful. When she smiles she lights up the room. When she talks to you your heart melts. I know..sounds mushy but this is the feeling I get when I talk to her.

Heaven calls by night,
lingering in our heads until day's end;
As daylight subsides
giving way to twilight, we await our beloved Nightingale
patiently, as she spreads her wings
for all to see, for all to hear, for all to love,
never to be missed from sight,
to flight,
she is our paradise
broadening smiles every minute, every day,
allowing us to take her home in our heads
as nightfall comes to a memorable end
and dreams of an eternal kiss begins.

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
3-11-12

Broken Promises

This poem is basically about those people who tell you nothing but lies. They make their words sound truthful. They promise you many things... only to take their words back as quickly as they said them to you. The false facades create internal drama which continues to eat at your soul until eventually you end it all in the most darkest possible way..putting a bullet in your brain. It's simple, short, straight, and to the point.

Make me a promise,
I will take it to heart,
words false in facade,
they take me apart.

Give me a few drinks,
I will die with a wink,
hand me the gun,
I shall drown in my own blood.                                                                                                                                                       

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
3-11-12

Ashes to Ashes

This is a poem about my sinner struggles with love, and relationships. How investing my time in someone completely changes me, draining me of any self awareness. In other words, eventually the investment leads to me not knowing who I am. It is as if someone has stolen my inner strength, not intentionally, but rather because I allow myself to become too overly enthralled with my love interest. The result, loss of dignity, and loss of focus of who I am. Eventually, I am able to regain my strength, my hunger for life through time and pain.

Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust,
if she should perish, then she must;
Shed no tears, grieve not for her soul,
like death blown away, her grip I let go.

Her dust disappears as does my heart
for best I believe certain to salvage some part
of life I've been given, Will I amend,
praise Lord give me strength not to descend.

Love unkindly has bared it's weight upon my being,
as continuously I fall fool to this burden of me;
A thousand fates revealed falling from grace,
with cries I replenish my hunger from waste.

Paul Hickey Copyright @ 2012
3-6-12